: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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