Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
