did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
