someone get that fucking seahorse.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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