I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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