cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
