Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
