I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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