I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
