Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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