I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
