that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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