Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
