can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
