whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
