toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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