Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
