there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
