i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
