Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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