Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
