I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I died a long time ago.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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