dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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