My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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