I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
