I faked an abortion last night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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