The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
