True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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