I wannas sexs uuuuu
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
