shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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