well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
