Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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