I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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