2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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