Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
