I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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