I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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