Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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