I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
