I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My breasts were aching with rage.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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