if only i could text you this smell
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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