i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
