Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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