you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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