i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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