there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
