Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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