I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
