He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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