ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize