It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
