I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
