He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
