Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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