Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
