he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
