This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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