How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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