She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize