They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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