Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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