Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
