i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
