Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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