It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
