Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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