I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
