that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
