There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
