It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
