you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
