i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
